Great Coaches Ask Great Questions
Who doesn’t love a story where a hero conquers over evil or a person with a seemingly impossible goal succeeds in the end. But there can’t be a bunch of Batmans in every story, you need an Alfred too. If you are a coach or if someone comes to you for advice remember you are not the hero in the story. Instead try to understand the whole situation, work to guide them to the answer and then figure out what role the person needs you to play.
Gavin is 10 years old and is driving home with his dad after his Saturday morning basketball game. Dad, why can’t I be more like Joe on the court? (Joe is the same height and built as Gavin but is the best player on the team).
— Well, it’s simple, son. You need to practice more and stop using all your free time to play videogames. You should try to do 100 free throws after school and set up some stuff from the garage to practice dribbling around for a half hour. Throw some planks, pushups, and jumping exercises in there too. Do that and you’ll be good to go!
Let’s pause the story there. Yes, this is all great advice but right now the dad is the hero in the story. What do you think is going on in the son’s head… maybe he’s thinking,
- “That’s so much work.”
- “I can’t believe he thought of that so fast.”
- “What was the first part he said again?”
- “Give up video games are you kidding me?”
Let’s try this again.
— Wow son, I didn’t realize this meant so much to you. Why do you want to be more like Joe? Well, he seems to dribble and shoot with ease. I’m always missing and turning the ball over. How do you think you can improve your shooting and dribbling? Maybe I can do some of the drills from practice at home. That’s a great idea, Gavin. Which drills do you want to do at home? Umm, there’s this cone dribbling drill but we don’t have any cones. I’m going out food shopping today and if you want to tag along we can stop at the sporting goods store along the way and pick up some. Yeah, that would be awesome Dad! Thank you! And there is this one free throw shooting drill that we do that I can practice as well. Okay that’s a great plan, I’m glad you’ve got a dribbling and shooting drill. When do you plan on doing these? When I get home from school, I’m going to do both! That’s a great idea. Do you think you will have enough time to do that every day with your homework? Do you think you will have to give up anything? Umm, I usually play video games after school, so maybe I will practice first and if I have time before bed I can play some. Nice, I like that idea. Is there anything I could do to help you with to become a better shooter and dribbler? There might be a couple of drills that I need a partner to do it with. Definitely, why don’t you get the individual drills done right after school then when I get home we can do the other drills together. That sounds great!
Now Gavin is the hero here. He figured out what the root issue was, he developed some action steps and now it’s on him to execute. Gavin’s dad was the guide who led him to the answer. Now Gavin’s Dad can support and encourage him as Gavin tries to put this plan to action.
3 Steps to Becoming a Better Coach:
- Understand the whole situation
- Guide them to the answer
- Figure out what role the person needs you to play.
Understand the whole situation
It’s crucial to get to the heart of the matter. Then you can know the motive and the person’s why behind the issue at hand. No one likes the person that just spits out advice without actually knowing what’s really going on.
A couple quotes I try to always remember, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” Steven Covey 1 and “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James (the half brother of Jesus) 2.
Guide them to the answer
This is the hardest but most crucial part. As a coach, you ask questions that create discovery and incite for the other person. In most situations the person is capable of figuring out the answer themselves, they just need someone to guide them. Another great strategy is sharing a story but let the listener come to a conclusion. In the book, Trillion Dollar Coach , Bill Campbell nicknamed “The Coach” was a mentor for many including Steve Jobs, Larry Page, and Eric Schmidt. Bill would never tell people what to do. “The Coach” would regularly go on walks with the person he was coaching. He would be an active listener, ask questions, share stories, and encourage in his own style of what his mentees like to call love.
Galileo said, “You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself.”
Figure out what role they need YOU to play.
Remember this is all about the person you are coaching, so it’s important to see what role they want you to play.
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Encourager - Just be the best cheerleader.
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Accountability buddy - Maybe you check in on them twice a week.
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More add on advice - This happens if the person asks you for your thoughts after they share the plan they have already created. Back to the basketball example, this would be if Gavin’s Dad told him about a couple more drills to do or to do more push ups too.
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All of the above - Be ready to support them and step up to the plate in all of these ways when they need help.
The 10 time NCAA Champion coach John Wooden said “Listen if you want to be heard”. Like a lot of things in life sometimes the simpler it is the more difficult it can be. Listen, ask questions, and just truly care.